Cleanliness is not a priority for guys; we can dwell in dire situations. At age 19, I lived in an apartment with cigarette butts stuck in pizzas. The bathroom was insane. I gathered 40 bucks to pay a maid. Maria showed up, said, Oh, no, and left. I never saw her again. I hope she’s well.

Today, every chair in my house has a coat hanging on it. My Friends dressing room frightens children. I get away with it because I’m in the acting profession. People just think, He’s artsy. They walk by, laugh, then ask me to shut my door.

Part of the reason guys are slobs is stupidity. I try to do laundry, but I don’t understand how. You’ve got whites and colors, but then there’s a white shirt with red sleeves. At that point, I don’t want to play anymore.

There’s a rebellious thing going on too. Growing up, boys are told “Go clean your room” because we did something bad. Maybe we correlate cleaning with something bad happening. It’s a question for Dr. Phil.

I’ve gotten neater. I’m in my thirties now and shouldn’t be tripping over pizza boxes on my way to play video games. As guys get older, even we get bothered by our filth. Until we realize that women rule the universe, they’ll have messy houses. But they’ll be living in them alone.